


Big Brother

by creatureofhobbit



Category: Beyond (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:25:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9282257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creatureofhobbit/pseuds/creatureofhobbit
Summary: Luke struggles with acting as Holden's big brother when he's the younger of the two, but he remembers all those years when Holden was in the coma and knows why it's what he has to do.





	

It feels to Luke right now like things are going backwards. He’s the younger brother, he’s not the one supposed to be teaching Holden how to drive, how to socialise, anything at all. He remembers one day, which must have been only a few weeks before Holden was in the coma, when his friend Matthew had come into school talking about how his older brother had just bought himself a new car “and he even let me drive!” Even back then, Luke had known that was bullshit. Matthew exaggerated a lot. All that had happened was that his brother had let him sit on his lap and turn the steering wheel, and all their friends had just laughed at him and forgotten about it. But years later, when Matthew’s brother really was giving him lessons, Luke wondered what it would be like if Holden were the one teaching him.

At first, those of Luke’s friends who had older brothers had made a point of avoiding talking about things like that that they did with them, not wanting to remind Luke of the fact that in all probability, he was never going to experience anything like that with Holden. Then gradually Matthew would let slip about the driving, or Ed would talk about how his brother had given him his first drink, and then they’d all look awkward until in the end, Luke sat them all down and told them to quit worrying about it, that they were free to talk to him about hanging out with their older brothers, he was okay with it (and even with hearing Stu, another guy in their group, talking about the way he always used to clash with his brother, because the truth was, every time he heard that, he felt relieved that he and Holden had those good memories that he could still hold on to, instead of all the fights that Stu talked about). And it was true, they were his friends, and Luke wanted to hear about the good things in their lives. They were the people who made him feel like he was just Luke Matthews, instead of That Kid Whose Brother’s In A Coma, which was how everyone else saw him. Of course he wasn’t going to expect them just to shut up about their brothers just because of what had happened to Holden. He just wouldn’t tell them the extent of how much, every time they came out with a story like that, he imagined how things could have been if Holden had been the one teaching him to drive, laughing with him at the things he did wrong but always patiently going over them with him until he got them right, or slipping him a fake ID to get him into a bar and sneaking him into the house at night in the hope that their parents wouldn’t realise just how drunk he was.

Luke remembers all these stories from his friends in his teenage years. But the ones he finds hardest to remember now are the anecdotes from Theo, the fourth of his best friends, who was the older brother teaching his younger brother everything. It was a situation that Luke had never thought he would find himself in, never felt able to relate to. Even as he had accompanied his parents to the hospital to see Holden every day, told him stories about dates he’d been on, or funny things that had happened at school, watching Holden’s face for some kind of flicker, any reaction that would let Luke know that Holden could hear him, that there was hope that one day he would wake up, Luke had long since got to the point of no longer expecting this day to come. 

He remembered the day when he must have been about fourteen, when he’d kicked a chair in frustration and stormed out of the room, after he’d poured his heart out to Holden on one visit about a fight he’d had with Ed over a girl, and Holden had lain there unresponsive. When his mother had gone after him, Luke had found himself bursting out that he was starting to wonder why they bothered coming any more, Holden was never gonna wake up and what was the point? He’d regretted bursting out into this frustration as soon as he saw the looks on both his parents’ faces, and had kept out of their way for the rest of the night, but the next day they’d gone to him and said that if visiting Holden was upsetting him so much, he didn’t have to go any more. 

“I’m gonna keep on going,” Luke had said, and he’d never missed a visit after that. As he’d chatted away to Holden the next week about how he and Ed had made up, he’d hoped that Holden hadn’t heard any of his tantrum from the week before, and he vowed never to give up hope like that again.

Now, with Luke being the one to act in the role of big brother, as he teaches Holden to drive, as he takes him out with all his friends, Luke finds himself wishing he could remember more of everything Theo had said about his experiences of being the big brother. It feels wrong to him somehow, knowing that Holden is the older of the two and yet Luke is the one acting as big brother, being the one trying to explain to Holden how to drive. Okay, the first attempt wasn’t successful and Luke had to switch places with him after about two minutes, but he’s telling himself that it doesn’t matter, his father had made him switch himself after probably about the same amount of time on Luke’s first attempt, and the fact is, it’s a miracle that Holden’s even able to take driving lessons at all, so Luke can afford to be a little patient. As for Holden and Riley’s friend…yeah, he’d found the idea a little weird at first, but again, every time he finds himself losing patience, or thinking anything feels weird, he just keeps reminding himself of all those days he’d sat by Holden’s hospital bedside, not even daring to let himself imagine that this day would happen at all, and when all was said and done, back when they were kids, Holden had been a great big brother to him, and now Luke’s finally getting a chance to pay him back for that, and to make up for that one day when he lost hope, so he’ll do whatever he can to act as Holden’s big brother and get him through these first weeks.


End file.
